Being a “Helper” to a foster child requires you.  Just you, and a commitment to a child that can change not only one child’s life but potentially generations to come.   We ask that you keep in contact with this child weekly until the child turns 18.

The Helping Books® is proud to be developing a new therapeutic series, My Name is NOT Fosterkid® (MNINF), designed to give foster children the education, emotional support, and empowerment they’ve often missed in the past. These books don’t just tell stories—they offer tools. Through accessible lessons on safety, boundaries, money management, and emotional healing, the MNINF series helps children name their experiences and reclaim their futures.

At the heart of this mission is one key idea: building a supportive community around every child is not optional—it’s lifesaving. Too many foster children have lived without hope, safety, or consistency. By inviting trusted adults to become Helpers, we are offering children what they need most: a circle of care that stays, listens, teaches, and protects.

But what does it actually take to be a Helper?

Foster children often carry the invisible wounds of trauma. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN, 2016), children in foster care are more likely to have experienced complex trauma—chronic abuse, neglect, and repeated disruptions in care. Trauma affects brain development, emotional regulation, trust, and learning. Helpers must be trauma-informed, meaning they approach the child with empathy, patience, and an understanding of how trauma may influence behavior (Bath, 2008).

Key Principle: Trauma-informed Helpers focus on safety, trust, choice, collaboration, and empowerment (SAMHSA, 2014).

Foster children often have experienced broken promises and loss. According to research by Dozier et al. (2002), consistency in adult relationships promotes emotional regulation and builds trust. A Helper must offer predictable, reliable check-ins—whether through weekly calls, visits, or messages. The commitment must remain, even if the child moves placements or exits foster care. Consistency tells the child: You matter. I’m still here.

Actionable Helper Practice:
– Weekly check-ins
– Keeping promises
– Being available during stress or transition

Children in care may not have learned healthy boundaries. A Helper must model respectful touch, privacy, and the right to say "no"—especially when it comes to physical contact or unsafe secrets. Educating children on the “swimsuit rule” (i.e., where it is and isn't okay to be touched) and encouraging consent-based interactions helps them regain agency (National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 2017).

Example from The Helping Books®:
“Helpers remind children they never have to hug or touch anyone—even adults—and that their body belongs to them.”

Many foster youth age out of care without basic financial, social, or independent living skills. According to Courtney et al. (2011), former foster youth are at greater risk for homelessness, unemployment, and early parenting. Helpers can play a critical role in teaching children how to save money, set boundaries, plan for their future, and make healthy choices.

Core Lessons Helpers Support with our workbooks:
– How to budget and save
– How to form respectful friendships
– How to avoid harmful choices (e.g., gangs, drugs, alcohol)
– How to delay parenting until ready

These practical lessons, often taught informally and relationally, help break cycles of poverty, abuse, and instability.

Helpers should also understand the legal context of foster care. They may not have formal authority, but they can advocate for the child’s educational needs, access to therapy, or housing stability. They should be aware of mandated reporting laws and when to notify authorities if they suspect abuse or neglect. The Child Welfare Information Gateway (2021) emphasizes that positive adult connections outside of placement contribute to long-term well-being.

Helping a foster child isn’t just about the present moment. A trusted adult relationship can shift how a child views themselves, their worth, and what’s possible in life. According to Bruce Perry (2006), “The most therapeutic thing you can offer a child is a safe, predictable relationship with an attentive adult.” Helpers model what healthy adulthood can look like—breaking generational trauma through presence and support.

Being a Helper to a foster child is not a casual role—it is a sacred one. It takes trauma-informed understanding, consistency, respectful boundaries, life-skills mentoring, legal awareness, and long-term commitment. Most importantly, it requires love in action. The Helping Books® believes that one caring adult can change everything. When a Helper shows up and stays, the child begins to believe they matter. And that belief can shape a lifetime—and generations to come.

Bath, H. (2008). The three pillars of trauma-informed care. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 17(3), 17–21.

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2021). Foster care statistics 2019. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.childwelfare.gov

Courtney, M. E., Dworsky, A., Lee, J. S., & Raap, M. (2011). Midwest evaluation of the adult functioning of former foster youth: Outcomes at age 26. University of Chicago, Chapin Hall.

Dozier, M., Stovall, K. C., Albus, K. E., & Bates, B. (2002). Attachment for infants in foster care: The role of caregiver state of mind. Child Development, 72(5), 1467–1477.

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). (2016). Understanding the impact of trauma on children in foster care. www.nctsn.org

National Sexual Violence Resource Center. (2017). Teaching children about personal body safety. https://www.nsvrc.org

Perry, B. D. (2006). The boy who was raised as a dog. Basic Books.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2014). SAMHSA’s Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach. HHS Publication No. (SMA) 14-4884.